Sg1 go on a little holiday to the land of Aus
by Skadi Everwinter
Summary: Set just after the time loop. involves Aussies, beer, coffee, Scandinavian cooking shows and and...somethin, I KNOW S/J... plez R
1. That Scandinavian Cooking Show

Chap 1: That Scandinavian cooking show.  
  
The TV glared on the empty couch as Jack O'Neill went to get another beer. He decided to have a really 'relaxing' night, that just happened to include large amounts of beer. Jack waddled back into the living room and dumped himself on the couch in his special groove he forged with his butt. Boy he was glad to be off duty after that damn time loop! He could just sit around, watch hockey and drink beer. Sam would usually lecture him on how it's bad for his health or something. Daniel didn't seem to care, Daniel would often join Jack and drink too. Teal'c can't get drunk because his Symbiote wont let him, Daniel and Jack find that rather disappointing.  
  
Jack picked up the remote and changed the channel; a nature show came on, showing two zebra's getting it on...  
  
"OOOH ! this might be interesting!" Jack said to himself, smiling with delight.  
  
Suddenly a lion leaped out of the grass and attacked male Zebra, latching itself to the stallions neck, killing it.  
  
"Buggar! That ALWAYS happens!" Jack complained.  
  
He changed the channel again. The sounds of screaming delight and sweaty bodies radiated from the TV. Jack smiled very gleefully.  
  
The Camera angle changed to show things involving toasters and a fridge. Jacks smile changed to a confused smirk of disgust. He tilted his head slightly and squinted, trying to figure out how they did that.  
  
"How do they do that! It defies gravity!" He objected. "Stupid Anti - Gravity porn,"  
  
Suddenly the phone rang, he jumped at the sudden loud noise. He picked up the phone.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" Jack yelled into the phone.  
  
"Er, Jack, its me Daniel. Are you okay?" Daniel heard the sounds of pleasure in the background. "Uhh, Jack. What are you watching?"  
  
Jack panicked and turned off the TV.  
  
"Ohh, uhh, umm, nothing. Just watching a Scandinavian cooking show."  
  
There was silence.  
  
"uh, Okay then. What ever you say Jack. Anyway, Sam called me and said we have to go to the base tomorrow at 10.00," Daniel said.  
  
"Dammit! I'm gonna have one helluva hang over!" Jack hit himself. "O-okay, Danny boy, I'll be there. Now, PISS OFF!" Jack slammed down the phone. He turned the TV back on, he wanted to see what happened next on the Scandinavian cooking show.  
  
'Ooh!' he thought 'they are using woks now!'  
  
Jack gulped down the rest of his beer.  
  
"Hey! YOU CANNOT DO THAT WITH SAUSEPANS!" He yelled. He threw the remote at the TV. He decided to himself that he wouldn't watch it. That would mean he had to get up and get the remote to change the channel. He sat with his back to the TV and blocked his ears. The sound leaked into his ears.  
  
"Damn I can't miss this!" he muttered. And turned back around. Eventually after everyone (including him lol) was all worn out he fell asleep. 


	2. Lets eat macadamia nuts and do some talk...

Chap 2. Lets eat some macadamias and do some talking around a big table.  
  
Sam, Daniel, Teal'c and General Hammond were all waiting for Jack to arrive in the debriefing room. Sam got a little peckish and started to eat some macadamia nuts.  
  
Jack stumbled in loudly through the door, startling Sam. The half chewed macadamia nut shot out of Sams mouth, went flying across the room and hit Daniels glasses smashing the lens.  
  
"Sorry Daniel!" Sam said.  
  
"No, Don't worry, I'm used to it. I carry spares." Daniel wiped the remaining macadamia from his eye, reached into his pocket and took out a pair of new glasses.  
  
"Okay, we're all here. Lets get on with it," The General said trying not to laugh at the small, swelling, wet, macadamiary bruise Daniel had rising from his eye lid.  
  
Jack went for his chair, he missed it, he lost his balance and went crashing to the ground. Jacks vision became impaired and his headache just turned into a migraine. After a few minutes of tumbling, cursing and spewing, he got up and sat in the chair. His face flustered.  
  
"Ookay, I'm going to pretend that didn't happen," Jack wiped the remaining vomit from his face. "That's not gonna leave a mark on my record is it?" "No, but its gonna leave on hell of a mark on the nice new carpet," said General Hammond. He pressed a key on the intercom, "Get a cleaning lady in here, pronto!"  
  
"Are we gonna do this or are we gonna do this?" asked Sam holding her nose at the stench of the beery vomit. The cleaning lady entered the room and began to clean up the vomit. "Any way! On with business. Colonel O'Neill, Teal'c. I assume the time loop must have been exhausting for you,"  
  
"Oh, it was sir. Very much so," Jack sighed.  
  
"- So, I have gone to the trouble of arranging Sg1 a holiday to Australia. You will have plenty of spending money, to spend of coarse, on what u want." Announced Hammond.  
  
"But Sir!" Sam objected. "Wont the SGC need me?"  
  
"Oh No! No! There will be a fill in for you and Dr. Jackson while you are there," replied the General.  
  
"When do we depart?" inquired Teal'c.  
  
"In two days," said Hammond.  
  
"Sweet!" Jack cooed.  
  
"Ehem. You don't just arrange a holiday for us out of the blue and on such short notice. Some of us might have prior engagements," Daniel snooted.  
  
"You? PRIOR ENGAGEMENTS?!" Jack snorted "Never"  
  
"shut up!" Daniel snapped.  
  
"Well then. Here are your travel details," General Hammond handed out the details, he accidentally stepped in Jacks remaining vomit.  
  
He shuddered violently, he shook his leg lightly attempting to get the fowl stuff off. "You people have fun, Dismissed."  
  
Sg1 left the room happily.  
  
Teal'c approached Daniel in the corridor.  
  
"Doctor Jackson, where or what is, Aoostralia?" he attempted the strange word.  
  
"Come with me and I'll explain everything..." 


	3. Australians talk funny Australia is big ...

Chap 3: Australians talk funny. Australia is big. Australia has hoppy things with tails.  
  
At Daniels house Teal'c was receiving a rather patronizing explanation on Australia.  
  
"...See this funny shaped country on the map 'ere, That's Australia, do you see it, do u?" He poked Australia on the map with his finger. "hehe... Australia is very big"..."They have lots of big cute fuzzy animals that hop around.... The people talk funny too," Explained a strangely high Daniel. His eyes bulged, Teal'c was afraid for his sanity.  
  
"Daniel Jackson, the tone you have taken to explain this country gives me the impression you have either had too much coffee or, you think I'm un- intelligent. I am not stupid."  
  
Daniel grinned at the thought of more coffee. "mmm...coffee... its actually both...hehe.. any way its not that your stupid. You have just been a little...uh ...sheltered." he continued to grin.  
  
"I see," Teal'c raised his eyebrow. Daniel continued his coffee high explanation of Australia. 


	4. Aeroplanes, window seats and coffee butt...

Chap 4: Aeroplanes, window seats and coffee buttons.  
  
Sg1 boarded their plane at Colorado Springs airport. The flight attendants showed them their allocated seats.  
  
"Sweet! First class! I bags the window seat! If I don't get it this plane doesn't leave this tarmac!" He hissed at the stuartess.  
  
He sat in his window seat. Sam sat next to him.  
  
"Oh Sir!" Sam giggled. The plane took off.  
  
"What? What is it? It's my hair, isn't it?! My hair's caught on the coffee button again isn't it?" Jack went through his hair frantically, checking everything was in order.  
  
"No Sir, its not your hair. It's just you. You HAVE to sit in the window seat, you're like a kid," Sam smiled.  
  
"Oh well, that's great, at least it isn't my hair. I've had some bad experiences...Some still haunt me today, especially the coffee button thing. That was just stupid, and the whole plane was looking at me...they make me sad," Jack moped "Hmmm...okay I'm over it. So how long is the flight to Australia?" Jack attempted an Australian accent.  
  
Sam smiled. "first of all sir, that is an Irish accent, not an Australian, and the flight to Australia takes around 24 hours,"  
  
"H-holy Monkey! I think I'll get some sleep. Wake me when we get to Oz Dorothy... Buenas Noches... After all those years of Spanish lessons that's one of the only things I can remember," Jack yawned and lay his head on the pillow. He fell asleep. Sam looked longingly at her sweetly sleeping Colonel. 


End file.
